Cries Of The Helpless
by RubyChan05
Summary: Years after the defeat of Malomyotismon, Ken sinks into depression. Davis can only watch as Ken hides away, until Ken takes matters into his own hands...Complete
1. Prelude

**Prelude**

I never thought that it would come to this. How long have I lived with this shadow in my heart? Forever? It seems that long.

I know there was a time when I was happy…innocent. But those days are gone. Redemption is a myth. I am the reality.

Once you step over that line, you're gone. Whisked away into the darkness of nothing. You cannot return to those days of freedom. You are a prisoner of your own mind, cursed to live inside those memories for the rest of your days.

I played my part, acted my role like the empty puppet I had become. I showed the world that I was fine, that I had moved on…but inside, my heart was breaking. Being devoured by the shadows of my past.

For I am nothing but a puppet. Moving through the mockery of a life I threw away so long ago. The boy I was died when I first entered the Dark Ocean. Perhaps it is time for the boy I am to die as well.

How long have I been hurting like this? Haunted by the past? My once genius brain has no idea. But I do know I can't do this anymore. I struggle to get through each day…each worthless day.

Ken Ichijoji. Boy Genius. Dutiful Son. Digidestined.

I can't cope with this pain. With this emptiness. All I want to do is fade away. Disappear into the distant past. Maybe I can.

_I'm sorry, everyone. I'm so sorry…_


	2. All The Pain

**Chapter One; All The Pain**

"Want to play some football, Ken? We've still got a couple of hours before the Sun sets." Davis laced his fingers behind his head, and turned to face his best friend.

"Sure." Was Ken's lifeless reply. Davis watched him out of the corner of his eye, noting the way Ken looked straight ahead, not even bothering to look Davis in the face.

He'd been like this for ages now. At first Davis had dismissed it as lack of sleep, or school pressure. When it didn't go away, he'd thought it was a phase that Ken was going through.

But it was still there. And Davis wasn't sure if even Ken knew just how far he'd sunk inside himself, hidden inside a shell. It frightened him to see Ken this way. >_But he'll shake this off. He's fine>._

"Ken? You sure you really want to? You don't sound that enthusiastic…" Davis began uncertainly. Ken stopped, and finally turned to face his friend.

"Perhaps I'd better not. I don't feel that great." Ken rubbed at his temple, and Davis watched as the other boy winced slightly.

"I've got a bit of a headache. Can we do this some other time?"

"Of course. It's not like we live a thousand miles away from each other." Davis forced a smile, trying to ignore the sinking feeling in his stomach. >_But we're almost that far apart. Everyday, I can feel you drifting further and further away from me>._

"Thanks." Ken inclined his head, and began to walk away, heading back to Tamachi. After a couple of steps, he paused, and waved goodbye, as though it had only just occurred to him.

"So I'll see you tomorrow, right!" Davis called after him, suddenly desperate for a sign that everything was like it should be. Ken turned back, his expression slightly startled. It was obvious that he hadn't even thought about it.

"Umm…yeah. Odaiba Central Park?" Ken weakly suggested. Davis sighed. Once upon a time, they would have gone somewhere. Swimming, maybe, or just for ice-cream. But it seemed like Ken just couldn't be bothered anymore.

"Sure. Sounds great." Davis tried to grin, but found that he couldn't. Faintly annoyed with himself, he settled for a thumbs-up, which Ken took as his cue to go.

Davis stayed there, watching the retreating figure of his best friend. The best friend who didn't even notice anymore when Davis was lying to him. The best friend who never laughed at his jokes now. >_I don't understand you, Ken.>_ he thought.

Perhaps they weren't best friends anymore.

* * *

"What's wrong with you? You look like the cat that got the sour, disgusting cream!" Yolei joked as she sat down at the lunch table. She wasn't in Davis' morning classes, so it was the first time she'd seen him all day.

"Nothing." Davis muttered, half heartedly examining his lumps of mashed potato. Yolei looked at him worriedly, before digging the newly arrived Cody in the ribs.

"Hey, what's wrong with Davis today? He doesn't seem himself." Cody glanced at Davis' slumped form, and shrugged his shoulders.

"I don't know, but TK said he's been like this all day."

TK bounced up to them, leaving Kari to make her own way across the hall.

"Huh? I heard my name!" he announced cheerfully.

"Yeah. What's up with Davis?" Yolei asked, ever so slightly unnerved by TK's sudden hyperactivity.

"Dunno, but he's certainly taken a break from his position as Class Clown."

"I am here, you know. It's not like I can't hear you." Davis suddenly spoke up, stopping the conversation in its tracks.

"Well, tell us what's wrong then. We're your friends – you can share stuff with us." Kari smiled understandingly at him, and he gave her a weak grin back. >_Should have known that Kari would get it out of me>._

It was strange, but Davis didn't feel tongue-tied around Kari anymore. In fact, he was pretty sure he'd gotten over the whole crush. It had slowly phased away during a long period of time, before disappearing entirely. He wasn't quite sure when those feelings had begun to fade away, but they had.

Taking a deep breath, he ran a hand through his spiky hair, and looked around him. Everyone was watching him, waiting for his confessions.

"I…I don't think me and Ken are best friends anymore." Davis cursed, wondering how pathetic he must have sounded just then. But the others just took it all in their stride, nodding.

"So he's grown distant with you? I though it was just me!" Yolei exclaimed.

"And me."

"Me too."

"Don't forget me!"

Davis stared at the others.

"You mean I'm not the only one?" He sighed in relief, then frowned. >_If I'm not the reason, then what is?>_

"Yeah, I sometimes run into him when I go across the river with my mum. You know, buying stock for the shop? But he just doesn't stop to chat anymore." Yolei said.

"He used to watch my Kendo competitions. Not any more. though." Cody put in.

"He stopped going to our school basketball matches as well." TK and Kari added. Kari was a cheerleader, and TK was on the team.

"Anyone know why he's acting so strangely?" Davis asked. Everybody shook their heads.

"You're the person he hangs out the most with. You'll have to ask him." Kari spoke softly, but reassuringly. Nodding, Davis stood up, beginning to strike a noble pose.

"You're right. I'm the only one who can save this ship from sinking!"

* * *

Davis stood by the slide, holding an umbrella. He was trying to ignore the way that the rain was hammering down on the brolly, but was failing miserably.

_>Great. I virtually volunteer for a heart to heart talk, and it's raining. Talk about cliché>._ He raised his head at the figure approaching, and recognised it as Ken.

"Ken! You don't have an umbrella!" Davis gasped, wondering how on earth his friend could just stand there getting soaked. Weren't geniuses supposed to know about pneumonia?

Ken shrugged, looking down at himself as though he hadn't realised that he was getting soaked. Perhaps he hadn't. Ken's mind seemed to be all over the place these days.

"Come on, my umbrella's big enough for two of us." Davis offered. Ken just shook his head, moving back from the inviting shelter.

"It doesn't matter." There was an awkward silence, and Davis looked away, trying to think of what to say.

"Ken?"

"Mm hmm?"

"Are you alright?" Ken frowned slightly, not understanding.

"Of course I'm alright. A bit of water won't hurt me." Davis resisted the urge to roll his eyes, and carried on patiently.

"No, I mean _really_ alright. You've just seemed a little off lately."

Ken's expression cleared, and the boy nodded, suddenly understanding.

"Don't worry about me, Davis. I've just been staying up late to study. I'm fine, really." Davis waited for the trademark soft smile that was sure to follow, but to his disappointment, Ken's face remained blank.

"Oh…ok. I was just worried." Davis murmured.

"Well, you don't need to." Ken assured him. There was another silence, then Ken shrugged his shoulders again.

"Look, I have to go."

"Right…then I guess I'll see you tomorrow." Davis offered a small grin, but felt it slide from his face when he didn't get one in return.

"Sure. Meet you here at…" Ken's voice died away, and his violet eyes widened.

"Hey, you're probably tired of meeting here, aren't you?"

Davis nodded, hardly able to believe it.

"Then what if we go bowling? Meet you outside the Alley at four, tomorrow?" Ken suggested.

"Great! I'll be there!" Davis watched as Ken strode away, noting how good he looked even when he was drenched. No wonder the girls went crazy for him.

_>He actually thought about me for once>._ Davis leaned back against the slide again, deciding to wait until the storm had ended before heading home. Well, it was a start, even if he didn't believe Ken's story about studying. >_But where's that almost apologetic smile I've grown to love and cherish? I can't even remember how long it's been since you laughed. Where's the Ken I used to know? Where are you? >_


	3. Hollow Eyes And Empty Souls

**Chapter Two; Hollow Eyes And Empty Souls**

Ken walked quickly through the rain, heading back across the river. But he wasn't really bothered by the fact that he was getting drenched. He'd given up taking care of himself long ago. Without his mother and Wormmon, Ken doubted whether he'd even think about grabbing something to eat, or brushing his raven hair. 

He knew he was a mess. But what could you do? He just didn't care anymore. Not like his parents. Not like Wormmon. Not like…Davis.

_>I'm sorry I lied to you Davis. But I just don't think you'd understand.>

* * *

_

Davis finally got home, and fumbled in his pocket for his key. Cursing as he realised he'd forgotten it, he knocked on the door, waiting for someone to let him in.

Jun opened the door, and rolled her eyes.

"Don't tell me. You forgot your key…_again_." Davis scowled, and pushed past her.

"Just leave it, Jun." Groaning, he dropped onto the sofa, sighing when he realised that she'd followed him.

"So where've you been. Out with your boyfriend again?" Davis flushed, and he leapt up, virtually spitting with rage.

"Just shut up! You know that it's not like that!"

"Down boy. I didn't mean it." Jun sniggered, then grabbed her book.

"You ought to try a bit of culture. It might cool that temper of yours." She hugged the book to her chest, turning starry-eyed.

"The story is so beautiful. It's about this beautiful girl who falls in love with this gorgeous man. But when his house burns down, he's horribly disfigured, so she has to learn to love him again…for the heart." Davis snorted, narrowly escaping Jun's swinging fist.

"Oh, shut up and listen! There's this fantastic quote in it…" Jun flipped through the pages, before stopping with a loud laugh of triumph.

"Here it is…_Look into his eyes, Mandy. For the eyes are the windows of the soul. A warm eye indicates love and happiness. But hollow eyes show the darkest depths of depression, a downward slide…one that may not be able to be stopped_." Jun sighed dramatically, closing her eyes as she imagined the emotional scene.

Taking his chance, Davis escaped into his room, locking the door behind him. He'd always known that Jun was crazy…this just clinched it.

* * *

"Oh! Honey, you're home." Ken's mother glanced over at him, making sure that he was alright.

"You don't need to check on me, Mama. I'm fine." Ken made a huge effort, and managed to summon up a faint smile, putting her worries at rest.

Still, smiling, Ken went into his room. Sighing loudly, he slid down the door to the floor. His smile faded away quickly. >_It's hard to smile when it feels like your heart's been ripped out of your chest>._

"Ken? You're all wet…" Ken opened his eyes to see Wormmon. The little digimon stared at him worriedly, before crawling away. Returning with a towel, he began to rub Ken's hair dry, noticing the way that his partner was beginning to shiver.

"You should change into some dry clothes, Ken. You'll get ill." Ken shrugged, making no effort to do as the little worm suggested.

"It doesn't matter to me." >_Nothing matters anymore…>_

Wormmon frowned, and tried to pull Ken towards the radiator.

"Well, at least warm up a bit. You're shaking." Ken shrugged again, and Wormmon felt the now familiar tugs of concern inside of him.

He couldn't quite remember when Ken had become so despondent. Perhaps it had seeped into his life slowly. But no matter when it had begun, it just meant the same thing. Something was seriously wrong with Ken.

_>Why won't you let anyone help you? You put on that mask of normality, and try to slip away, but you've forgotten one thing. Me. I've heard your nightmares. I've seen how dark your dreams have become…how painful…let me in, Ken. Please.>_

"I'm fine, Wormmon. A bit of cold never hurt anybody." Ken went over to his mirror, staring at his emotionless reflection. It stared back, examining him with judging eyes.

Those eyes became cold, and Ken shuddered violently as he saw his reflection grab a cruel whip, bringing it down on some helpless creature. Crying out, he stumbled backwards, falling backwards to the floor in his haste.

"Ken? Ken! Are you alright?" Wormmon leaned over his friend, and winced at the look of desperation he saw in those violet eyes.

"It'll be ok, Ken. Whatever it is that's bothering you, it will be ok." Uttering a harsh sob, Ken gathered his digimon into his arms.

"Why won't it stop, Wormmon…I just want everything to go away!" Ken's body became wracked with sobs as he let out his grief, holding tightly onto Wormmon.

_>Where does the darkness end and Ken Ichijoji begin? I'm losing myself, Wormmon…and I can't stop it.>

* * *

_

Davis paced around his room, unable to wind down and relax. Somehow he knew that there was something terribly wrong with Ken…he just didn't know what to do about it.

_>What am I going to say to him? Ken, I don't know what's wrong with you, but it's bad? Get a grip Motomiya.>_ Sighing, he looked around, trying to find something to calm him down. His eyes fell on a pile of photographs, and he absent-mindedly picked them up.

They were photos of all the Digidestined. Riffling through them, Davis stopped at the last two photos, a lump gathering in his throat. They were pictures of Ken. The first one had been taken when the group had been out celebrating MaloMyotismon's defeat.

Ken was actually laughing, the camera somehow capturing a perfect moment. Davis gazed at those expressive amethyst eyes, and wondered how a picture could have shown their emotion so well.

The other one was more recent – Davis had a feeling that it had only been taken a couple of weeks ago. It couldn't have been more different than the other. Ken's shoulders were slightly slumped, as if in defeat, and he didn't seem to be very happy. His eyes were barren, devoid of any emotion. As he thought about how hollow they looked, Davis felt a chill rocket up his spine.

What had Jun's book said?

'_Look into his eyes, Mandy. For the eyes are the windows of the soul. A warm eye indicates love and happiness. But hollow eyes show the darkest depths of depression, a downward slide…one that may not be able to be stopped.'_

"Oh, God." Davis whispered, feeling his body tense. How could he have not noticed before? How couldn't he have seen the way Ken was slowly drawing inside himself, cutting himself off from any human contact? The way that he didn't seem to care about anything any more.

"Veemon? I think we have a problem."

* * *

Ken glared at his reflection, silently daring it to fight back. Groaning slightly, he dragged a brush through his knotted hair, cringing at the pain it caused.

In truth, he wasn't feeling on top of the world. Yet again, he hadn't got a wink of sleep the night before. His restless mind had kept him awake, tossing and turning until even the normally patient Wormmon told him to settle down.

Feeling his digimon's eyes on the back of his head, Ken plastered what he hoped was a normal expression over his abnormally pale face.

_>Is it healthy for someone to miss so much sleep? Do I even care?>_

Putting his coat on at Wormmon's insistence, Ken left his room, and walked straight out of the apartment. He didn't even bother to grab one of his mother's homemade cookies.

* * *

Davis waited outside the bowling alley, wondering what on Earth he was actually going to say to his best friend. >_Hey, Ken, how are you? Good? Because I think you might be having a breakdown!>_

Shaking his head at how stupid even the voice inside his head was, Davis suddenly realised that Ken had arrived, and was walking over. >_He looks pretty normal to me. Let's see how he acts, before going all Crazy Professor on him.>_

"What time do you call this, Ichijoji?" Davis teased, trying to get the talk off to an easy start. Although Ken _was_ actually late. By nearly half an hour.

"Sorry, Davis." Ken murmured. He offered no excuse, and just stared at his friend, already drifting off into silence. Davis frowned. This wasn't like Ken at all – normally he would have been falling over himself to apologise, have felt guilty for making his friend wait so long. But he just didn't care anymore.

"Well, you should be. You're just a waste of space these days! No matter what I do, you're just acting like some freaky zombie dude!" Davis knew it was unfair to lose his temper like this, but somehow the flash of hurt he saw briefly dance across Ken's icy eyes was worth it.

"And you don't seem to be thinking of anyone anymore! You don't deserve that Crest Of Kindness, Ken! Kind people don't push all their friends away, or abandon them. Kind people show up on time so that they don't worry the person they're meeting! Kind people take other people's feelings into account!"

Davis couldn't stop himself now. Months of frustration at Ken came pouring out like a raging river. Davis was fed up, and he wanted his best friend to know it.

"You're no better than the Emperor, taunting us like this!" Ken eyes widened sharply at this last remark, and he clenched his fists.

"Don't say that!" Davis smirked at Ken's tone of voice, and continued his verbal attack, knowing that he'd hit a nerve.

"I'm surprised that you haven't started to wear your hair all spiked up again. Or is that look out of season this year?" Ken was panting now, obviously restraining himself from striking out. Davis could somehow sense that he'd awoken something dangerous in Ken, but carried on, not caring.

"What's wrong, Ken? Can't you fight back anymore? When you were the Emperor, you used to have such a violent streak!" Ken finally snapped. Throwing himself at Davis, he shoved the slightly shorter boy to the ground, ignoring the way his friend cried out in pain.

"Shut up! Shut up! _Just shut up_!" Ken pummelled Davis again and again, delivering a savage blow with every word. He was almost screaming those words now, and had an insane look in his eyes.

But even though he was getting the living daylights beaten out of him, Davis couldn't help smiling. This proved that Ken wasn't just an emotionless robot now – that he still had feelings.

Then a fist jabbed sharply into his stomach, and he gasped as the air left his body. The only problem was, he didn't know how to stop Ken now.


	4. Your Blood, My Tears

**Chapter Three; Your Blood, My Tears**

Matt, TK, Tai and Kari rounded the corner of the street. They were planning to spend the afternoon bowling together – Kamiyas against Ishidas. As they approached the entrance, they became of aware of almost hysterical shouting and loud cries of pain. Both voices sounded somehow familiar.

"Oh my God!" Kari cried as she saw the violent scene in front of them. Ken had given up on hitting Davis, and had instead settled for throttling him. The already bruised boy's face was slowly turning purple, choking as his air was being slowly cut off.

"Get off him, Ken! Get off him!" It took both Tai and Matt to pull the struggling boy away, and even then he fought tooth and nail to get back to Davis…to try to hurt him again.

Kari and TK ran to where Davis was lying on the floor. Whimpering slightly, Davis tried to get to his feet, but crashed back down almost immediately, still shaken by the beating. His right eye was swelling up, and his cheeks bore the red marks of several handprints.

"Davis! What happened? Are you alright?" Kari touched his damaged face tentatively, unable to believe that Ken had done this. The three suddenly realised that everything was quiet now, and turned to look at Ken.

He'd stopped struggling, and was standing almost limply between Tai and Matt. It was hard to believe that this was the boy who had just completely lost control. The only sign of his guilt was the shirt he was wearing. A shirt that was now stained with Davis' blood.

As he stared blankly at Davis, his victim was more scared than he had been during the actual attack. Ken's frenzy had left so suddenly…leaving Ken empty and cold.

"You wanted to see if I still had that violent streak in me, Davis." Ken said bitterly, wiping Davis's blood from where it had spattered over his face.

"And now you have." Ken looked at him for a moment, before fleeing down the road. But the others still saw the hot tears that had flooded his eyes, and poured down his cheeks.

* * *

>_God, what have I done? What have I done?_> Ken ran blindly through the streets, not caring where he was going. >_Just anywhere but there. Anywhere. >_

He could still hear Davis's yells of pain as he savagely struck at him, could still feel the boy's neck as he put his hands round it, choking the life out of him.

_>This just proves it. I can't be saved. The others may think that I'm a changed person, but I'm can't be. Because I am the darkness_.>

Another sob wracked his body, and Ken carried on running, trying to escape his guilt and horror.

Trying to escape those dark memories of the past.

* * *

"Steady, now." Davis groaned as Tai and Matt helped him to his feet, propping him up between them. His left side was throbbing angrily, and he wondered whether he'd broken a rib. Whether _Ken_ had broken a rib.

"You ought to go to hospital." TK said, watching his friend with concern. Now that Davis had stopped lusting over Kari, the two boys got along fine. Most of the time.

"Nah. I've been in worse scrapes than this." >_Not because of my best friend, though…>_

"Are you sure?" Matt eyed the younger boy doubtfully, wondering just how much of an act he was putting on.

"Yeah!" Davis tried to shoot the others a nonchalant thumbs-up, but the effect was spoiled when he doubled over, groaning in pain.

"Davis!" Kari cried. A year or so ago, he would have loved to hear her calling his name so worriedly. But that crush had faded away ages ago. When…

Davis' eyes widened slightly as he suddenly realised when those feelings for Kari had begun to fade. Right after Ken had come into his life.

The moment Ken had accepted his offer of friendship, Davis had been able to shut out the pain caused by Kari's constant refusals. He'd been able to look at himself in a different light – one where he didn't need to go round begging girls to go out with him. He was special just on his own.

_>You always said I was good for you. I guess that you were good for me too_. > Davis shook himself out of his confused thoughts, noticing how he wasn't listening to Tai.

"…ure you're alright? There's a hospital nearby." Davis smiled, and shook his head.

"I'm fine. Really." He paused, and stared after the departing figure.

"In a way, I think that Ken was more freaked than I was."

"How did it start, anyway? Ken's not normally the kinda guy who loses control." Matt asked, frowning slightly. >_I wonder what you'd say if I told you that I think Ken's mind is coming off its tracks like a train derailing? >_

"Well, we were going bowling, and he was late. But he just didn't seem to care, right? So I sort of boiled over, and started saying stuff to him. None of it affected him. Well, until I got to the bit about…about the Emperor." Davis hung his head in shame, and Kari gasped.

"Davis, that's _low_!"

"I know, I know. I guess he just snapped. I deserved every punch he gave me." He squinted, and looked the others straight in the eye.

"Anyway, what are you guys doing here?"

TK and Kari began to shift around, and a wide grin appeared on Matt and Tai's faces.

"We're celebrating." Tai grinned, showing off his pearly white teeth.

"Celebrating what?" Davis asked. TK and Kari exchanged looks, before TK nervously stepped forward.

"Yeah…well, we were going to tell you. To be honest, we haven't told the others yet either." He took a deep breath, before gabbling in a rush;

"I-asked-Kari-out-and-she-said-yes." The couple waited for Davis to blow up, and begin to rant about the unfairness of life, but to their surprise, the brunette haired boy simple nodded.

"Congratulations. I'd hug you, but the bruises, you know?" He shook TK's hand, smiling.

"I'm happy for you."

TK's eyes brightened, and he beamed back.

"You are? Thanks!" He laughed in relief, and Davis joined in. The odd thing was that he'd meant it. He _was_ happy for them.

* * *

Ken stumbled through the door, still sobbing with self-hatred. If his parents had been home, they would have come running. But they had gone on holiday, and wouldn't be back until next week. Which left only Wormmon.

The small digimon came over to where his partner was lying on the sofa, feeling his heart being torn to shreds by those wracking cries. Placing a leg on the boy's forehead, he tried to comfort him as best he could, but Ken hardly seemed to know he was there.

He was muttering something, but Wormmon couldn't understand it. It sounded like 'monster', but that didn't make any sense. Finally, Ken's eyes opened, and he realised that Wormmon was there. Holding him tight, Ken rocked slightly, trying to keep away the pain he felt in his heart

"I'm a monster, Wormmon." He whispered, tears streaming down his cheeks.

"I'm a demon in disguise – always have been, always will be." Wormmon stared pityingly up at Ken, finally understanding what the boy had been saying.

_>Oh, Ken. Why is it that the only emotion you can show nowadays is unhappiness?>

* * *

_

Ken lay awake in bed, staring sightlessly at the ceiling. He was still awake. Any normal person would have cried himself to sleep by now. But then again, he wasn't a normal person, was he?

Being careful not to disturb the sleeping Wormmon, he slid out of the bunk bed, landing lightly on the floor. He went out to the balcony, where he sat down on the floor, shivering in the cold night air.

_>I remember when I was innocent. When I stood here with Sam, blowing bubbles. The world seemed so simple then…I wish that I could just go back to that time. Back to when nothing was wrong.>_

But something _was_ wrong, wasn't it? Even then, Sam had hit him. He just couldn't see beyond his adoration for his big brother.

_>Adoration for what seemed to be the best person in the world. After all, he was smart enough to be. Everywhere I went, I heard stories about his latest achievements. I could never be as good as him…a fact that my teachers loved reminding me of.>_

He'd been a fool to believe them – he knew that now. But what did that matter? It was Sam, not the teachers, who had destroyed his self-respect.

_>What else are you meant to believe when your clever big brother hits you, tells you that you're just a waste of space? No wonder I retreated into myself. There are only so many times you can crack a heart before it shatters.>_

Ken leaned his head back against the wall, ignoring the way cold was beginning to seep into his bones. It didn't matter.

_>But it wasn't all Sam's fault, was it? He had his good sides as well. I chose to ignore them, to get sucked in by the dark hole of jealousy. I wished for him to disappear…was it because of me that he died? I used to think so, but now I'm not so sure. That's the thing about time. It changes how you think about things.>_

Ken shuddered as he remembered the other day. He'd been crossing the road…and had nearly been knocked down by a lunatic driver.

_>That's not true, though, is it? I stopped in the middle of the road. I actually wondered for a moment whether it had hurt Sam when he was knocked to his death, whether it would be better to just let the next car roll over me. If that driver hadn't seen me…I'd be dead by now.>_

Ken let out something between a moan and a sigh. Would it have been so bad, really? If he'd chosen to die?

_>Don't be stupid, Ken. Remember Sam's funeral? Remember how sad everyone was? Do you really want your parents to go through that again? To make all the people you care about suffer that same loss?>_

What did it matter, anyway? No-one would miss him. He was still Ken Ichijoji, Boy Genius. And who'd miss a walking textbook?

_>There. I've said it. That is who I really am, after all. A walking textbook, full of facts and figures, with no experience of real life. Who'd miss something like that?>_

Davis would have. Beginning to sob once more, Ken wrapped his arms around himself and curled up into a little ball.

_>But you blew that one, Ichijoji. You blew it big time. And it's your own fault.>_

Ken closed his eyes, trying to block out the outside the world. And his memories of that afternoon.

* * *

_Flashback_

Ken looked dully at the phone, wondering why he was even trying. Why should he be forgiven? People like him didn't deserve to be forgiven. 

"Go on, Ken!" Wormmon nudged him, and Ken sighed, reaching for the receiver. He knew why he'd allowed Wormmon to persuade him into doing this. Because Davis was one of those rare spots of sunshine in his life – one he didn't want to lose.

Nervously, he waited as the phone rang on the other end. >_Please pick up, please pick up, please… >_

"Hello?" Ken grimaced as his friend answered the phone. Davis didn't sound so good. >_What do you expect? You beat the living daylights out of him!>_

"Ummm…hi, Davis." There was silence at the other end, before;

"Ken?"

"Yeah. I'm just ringing to apologise for this afternoon. I shouldn't have done that." He paused. Since when had it become so hard to talk to his best friend? >_Since you let yourself drift away from him. Duh!>_

"How are you?" he asked softly. There was another long silence on the other end.

"As well as I can be, I guess. It's a bit hard to watch television, what with the swollen eye and all, but I'm coping."

"Good."

Ken tried to think of something to say…anything! Just as long as he filled those awkward silences. They were so painful…especially when you thought about how easy it had used to be to talk to each other.

"Look, Ken, I've gotta go. Maybe I'll ring you sometime." Davis hung up, and Ken stared at the receiver in shock. _Maybe_ _I'll ring you sometime._ He thought sadly. >_I knew it. Davis is never that cold. He hates me.>_

Putting the receiver down, Ken sat there for a while. Then burst into tears.

_End Flashback

* * *

_

Ken let the tears come again, knowing there was no way to stop them. But what did it matter if there were more tears than blood to him? 

_>I'm tainted. I know that now. I've known it for a long time, but today was my proof. It's strange how I can still hear his voice, sometimes. The Digimon Emperor. He echoes through my head, trying to tempt me back to darkness. Perhaps he's still there. Or maybe I'm just going insane.>_

Wiping his eyes, Ken sat up, gazing moodily at the stars.

_>They're so bright…and I'm so dark. Just like me and the other Digidestined. They can say what they want, but it's the truth. Did any of them turn to darkness when they were feeling upset? No – they all stayed true to themselves. Perhaps I was being true to myself. Is that who I am now? Nothing more than an extension of evil? I fear it may be true._ _Just look at the digivices. Theirs are coloured. Mine's a shade. >_

Ken took once last glance at the moonlit darkness, before drawing back inside. He wasn't cold – not really. He just felt lonely. 

_>But I've always been lonely. My parents didn't understand me, Sam nearly always used me, and I pushed potential friends away. Except Wormmon. He stuck by me, no matter how much I pleaded with him to leave. He said that we were friends, and friends always stick by one another.>_

Ken slowly climbed back up the ladder to his bunk, sliding around Wormmon to get under the covers. The faithful bug slept on, with no idea that his friend was still awake.

_>But wasn't there someone else? A boy?> _Ken had memories of crossing a desert with another boy and Wormmon. However, they weren't very clear – he might have imagined them, for all he knew.

_>Stop kidding yourself. There was a boy, and he abandoned you, just like the rest of them.> _Ken shut his eyes in pain, whimpering slightly to himself as he faced the wall.

_>Just like Davis.>_


	5. Broken

**Chapter Four; Broken**

"Morning, Ken! Sleep well last night?" Wormmon bounded through the apartment, full of energy. Ken shrugged, beginning to get some breakfast ready. With Wormmon watching him, there was no chance of skipping it.

"Yep. Best that I've had for ages." He lied. Wormmon jumped up and down happily, before gazing soulfully up at Ken.

"You're still worried about the things you won't tell me." It was a statement, not a question, and Ken found himself nodding, unable to resist from telling the truth.

"It'll be alright, Ken. It always is." Ken managed a smile, and ruffled his partner's antennae fondly.

"Thanks Wormmon." >_But it'll never be alright. You know that you can't take any more pain. Every day, it's a struggle to hold yourself together.>_

Ken stiffened at the little voice inside his mind. A part of him wanted to say that it _was_ the remnants of the Digimon Emperor, but he was still too sane to accept that.

_>Whilst I may be the devil and angel rolled into one, there is only one of me. I'm the person who attacked Digiworld so long ago. Not some lunatic spirit inside of me. And sometimes I'm not sure whether it was because of the Dark Spore either. I scare myself sometimes – what if I had that darkness inside all along?>_

"Wormmon?"

"Yes, Ken?"

"If I get you some breakfast, will you go outside, please? I want to be alone." He felt his heart breaking as Wormmon's eyes filled with tears, and he leaned down to pat his Digimon on the head.

"It's not you, Wormmon. It's me. I just need some alone time. Try hiding behind my mum's potted plants." Wormmon studied Ken's face for a moment, then smiled.

"Of course, Ken. Anything for you." He took the piece of bread and butter Ken offered him, and crawled outside, making himself comfortable as Ken shut the door.

Feeling horrible guilty, Ken carried the bread, butter, and knife into the living room. Sitting down on the carpet, he started getting his own breakfast. Normally he'd eat in the kitchen, but today he needed some comfort.

_>Admit it. Something's broken inside.> _Ignoring his own self-doubts, Ken started slicing the bread.

_>You're riding a roller coaster of emotions, and you want to get off. What was that quote? Oh yes – 'Some people exist, but never really live'. You can't even remember who said that now. You're a mess.>_

Ken jumped as a small jolt of pain shot up his arm. Glancing down, he realised that he'd cut his finger. >_That'll teach me to concentrate.>_

Fascinated, he watched his blood well up in the cut. He wasn't sure that he'd ever bled before – not outside. He normally bled inside, from deep wounds you couldn't see.

His finger finally stopped bleeding. The cut hadn't been that bad. But Ken still stared at it. It had given him an idea.

* * *

Davis groaned, and looked at his clock. He hadn't slept that well last night. Which was very unusual for him. But there was a simple explanation - he was still feeling guilty, because of how he'd spoken to Ken.

_>You idiot, Davis. You were the one who provoked him in the first place. And when the guy tries to ring you up and apologise, you give him the cold shoulder!>_

Well, there was only one thing for it. He'd have to go over and see Ken. He knew how low the genius's self-esteem was. Ken was probably giving himself hell over his behaviour. Even if it wasn't his fault, Ken somehow instinctively felt like it was.

And Ken had always had a problem getting to trust other people. So what had Davis done? He'd thrown that apology back in Ken's face, and weakened the other boy's trust in him. Perhaps destroyed it forever.

_>No! I'd die before losing that trust. I promised that I'd always be there for him!> _Davis thought furiously to himself as he hurried out the door. No matter what it took, he would regain Ken's trust.

And heal his broken heart.

* * *

"Davis!" Davis jumped as Mrs Ichijoji's potted plant spoke to him. Blinking, he bent down to look at it, wondering if he was going insane.

"Gaaaahhh!" He fell backwards in shock as a small green head shot out of the foliage, and glared down at the little digimon who'd appeared.

"Wormmon! Don't do that!"

"But you're the Digidestined of Courage, Davis! You're meant to be brave!"

Davis rolled his eyes at Wormmon's naivety. There were times when it was cute. This was not one of those times.

"What are you doing out here, anyway? Is Ken in?" Davis asked.

"He's in, but said he wanted some alone time." Wormmon answered. Davis frowned. That wasn't like Ken. Sure, the guy gave himself a hard time, and sometimes tried to isolate himself, but he'd never wanted 'alone time'.

"Ken? Ken!" Davis knocked loudly on the door, ringing the doorbell with his other hand. Even if the Digidestined of Kindness had been asleep, he should have woken up and come to the door.

Something was wrong. Davis had known it, hadn't he? That was really why he'd come over. He'd just had this sinking feeling in his gut. Still calling Ken's name, Davis began to kick the door in, throwing all his power into it. Desperation lent him strength.

Telling Wormmon to wait outside, Davis dashed into the apartment. And into the living room.

* * *

"Oh, Christ."

Ken lay there on the floor, surrounded by a pool of his own blood. Even from this distance, Davis could see the slashed wrists.

"Ken! Oh, God! Ken!" Davis ran to the still form of his best friend, and shook him slightly. >_Oh, man…just how long has he been lying here like this?> _

Ken's eyes were glazed, and he stared unseeingly at something over Davis' shoulder. But there was a pulse. And although his breathing was shallow, he _was_ breathing!

Sobbing in panic, Davis ran to the Ichijoji's phone, calling for an ambulance. How could the operator be so calm, when Ken lay dying on the floor!

"Hello, Emergency Ambulance Services. How may we help you?"

"Pl...please. I've just found my friend unconscious in his apartment. I think he's slashed his wrists!" The operator asked Davis several questions, such as the address and Ken's current condition. Davis answered as best as he could, trying to control the fear that was welling up inside of him.

Hanging up the phone and hurrying into the kitchen, Davis was just gathering paper towels when he heard the shrill scream as Wormmon found Ken.

"_KEN_!" The digimon began to nudge at his friend's hand, beginning to cry when he didn't respond. Davis gently pushed him away.

"I told you to wait outside, Wormmon!"

"Ken! What's wrong with him? Why won't he answer me? _Where's all this blood coming from_!"

Wormmon's last question exploded out of him like a dying person's last cry, but Davis had to ignore it. He could comfort Wormmon later. But right now he needed to stop the bleeding.

Wrapping the paper towels round Ken's wrists, Davis couldn't help but see the cruel slashes. The things that the boy had done to himself. >_Damn him, he even cut them the right way – all along the vein. But what do you expect from a boy who knows everything…including the best way to kill himself?>

* * *

_

The ambulance came quickly, and Davis went with Ken. Of course Wormmon hadn't been able to come, but the digimon had pulled himself together and promised to phone everyone.

Davis stared at his friend's face, and felt his stomach turn over. He was too pale…much too pale. Although Ken's skin had always been much whiter than everyone else's, even Davis could see that he had lost a lot of blood. Maybe too much.

Leaning forward, he took Ken's limp hand in his own and prayed. >_Please don't let it be too late.>_

The moment they arrived at the hospital, Ken was whisked away for stitches and a much needed blood transfusion. Davis watched them go, suddenly feeling lost and alone. He wanted to call after them, to tell them not to take Ken away. But that would be silly.

Davis's legs gave out under him, and he sat in the middle of the corridor, just staring after Ken. He thought back to how he'd first found his friend, how Ken had just been lying there, on the floor.

Covered in blood.

Retching, Davis tried to get to a bathroom, but didn't make it on time. He threw up in the corridor. As he leaned against a wall, sobbing hysterically, a nurse noticed, and gently took his arm.

"He'll be fine." Davis just stared lifelessly back at her, wondering how she could say that. Just say those words, when Davis felt an ache in his chest so intense, he wondered whether he might be having a heat attack.

"Come on. You can wait inside the friends and relations room if you'd like." Nodding dumbly, Davis allowed her to lead him away. Away from the harsh reality of that morning.

* * *

"Davis?" Davis looked up at the sound of Kari's voice, and saw that the rest of the Digidestined were standing there. All of them looked just as lost as Davis felt – even the unshakeable Izzy.

Glancing back down to the bed he was sitting by, Davis felt another wave of pain wash over him. Ken lay there, still unconscious, his wrists tightly strapped up. In bandages that were stained red with blood.

"I never knew he was this bad…I thought that he was just beginning to act like a moody teenager." Yolei whispered, her eyes glued to Ken's still form.

"Here. We went over to Ken's place and got some stuff for him." Cody gave Davis a small bag, which he put in the small cupboard. It could be unpacked later.

"Sora stayed back with Wormmon." TK added.

"She's gonna try and call Mimi…to let her know…" Kari's voice died away, and she buried her head in Tai's shoulder.

"Can you come with me a minute, Davis?" Joe asked. Davis just looked at Ken, loathe to leave him.

"Just for a minute. He'll be alright. Everyone else is here, aren't they?"

Davis silently nodded his head, reluctantly leaving his friend's bedside. He walked outside of the room with Joe, and stood there, wondering what was up. Although he didn't really care. He still felt numb.

_>Ken's body, covered in blood >_

Putting a hand to his head, Davis managed to get rid of the horrible mental picture, and focused instead on what Joe was saying.

"How are you, Davis?" Davis stared at him.

"What, you mean besides having found my friend after he tried to kill himself? Oh, fine. You?"

"Ok, stupid question. But I want you to take this seriously. You need some rest. You've had a terrible shock, and you've been here since this morning."

"I can't just leave and go home! I won't!" Davis crossed his arms, and glared at Joe. The older boy sighed.

"Somehow I knew that would be your answer. Alright then. I'll tell your parents, and Sora can look after Veemon as well. That sound good?"

Davis smiled slightly, thanking Joe profusely. Joe waved it all off, however, acting as though he hadn't just done more for Davis than any counsellor could.

"Who knows? Maybe Veemon can even cheer Wormmon up."

* * *

Davis sat in the chair, his eyes never leaving that beautiful face. It almost choked him sometimes, when he looked at Ken like this. It wasn't fair. What right did anyone have to be this damn serene and graceful?

Glancing at the clock, Davis stretched, hearing his joints creak. The others were long gone now. It was just him and Ken.

A sound drew his attention back to the bed, and he watched with bated breath as Ken began to stir. Until finally, Ken's beautiful violet eyes flickered open.

"Wha…" As the boy looked around in confusion, Davis leaned forward eagerly, glad to see the other awake.

"Before you freak, Ken, let me fill you in. You're in hospital. You…you kinda tried to slit your wrists."

Ken lifted one arm, and gazed at the blood soaked bandages. He groaned, and Davis waited for the relief that it didn't actually work to sink in, for Ken to realise what an idiot he'd been.

He didn't get the reaction he'd expected.

"No. No, no, no, no, no, no, _NO_!"

"Ken?" Davis watched Ken slightly worriedly, wondering what on earth the boy was protesting about.

"Why didn't you let me die? _WHY DIDN'T YOU LET ME DIE_!" Ken glared angrily at Davis, staring at him as though Davis had done something unforgivable.

Davis felt the bottom drop out of his world.


	6. When The Helpless Cry

**Chapter 5; When The Helpless Cry**

"_WHY DIDN'T YOU LET ME DIE_!" The sound of Ken's angry shouts echoed round the small room, and Davis got up quickly, backing away as the Ken kept repeating the terrible words.

"Ken...you don't mean that…you can't…" His heart broke as he saw the way Ken was looking at him, and he felt tears begin to well up.

"Get out."

"Ken..."

"_Get out_!"

Not looking back, Davis fled the hospital room. He wasn't exactly sure where he was going to go in a hospital this small, but he didn't really care. He just didn't want to be around Ken right now.

* * *

About half an hour later, Davis poked his head round the door to Ken's room again. Ken lay facing away from him, mercifully silent. Quietly, Davis slid through the doorway, trying not to wake the sleeping boy.

The only thing was, he wasn't asleep.

Davis realised his mistake as Ken shifted in the bed, but it was too late to back out now. Swallowing his nerves, he sat back down in the chair, waiting for the angry screaming to start. It didn't.

"Why?" Ken whispered, and Davis looked at him. Saw how his eyes stared blankly at the wall, seemingly passing right through Davis. He didn't seem to be angry anymore. But in some ways, this quiet giving up was almost worse.

"Why couldn't you have just left me there to die?" Ken asked softly. Davis hesitantly put a hand on the boy's arm, and when there was no protest, squeezed it gently.

"Because you have people who care about you, Ken. And as long as they do, you shouldn't have to feel this way." Davis knew how corny the words sounded, but decided he could put up with corny if it helped Ken out.

"Oh, good. I feel so much better now." Davis winced at the lack of emotion in Ken's voice, and could almost see the way Ken was descending back into depressed silence.

"You asked me why, Ken. So now I'll ask you." Ken's head turned slightly at this new statement, but as the boy made no effort to unburden himself, Davis continued.

"Why did you try to kill yourself?" To his slight satisfaction, Ken looked away. >_He must have had some doubts if he can feel ashamed about it.>_

"Nothing could have been so bad that you had to…"

"What? Slit my wrists? Commit suicide? _Die_? Get real, Davis. There's nothing left of me _to_ die!" Confused, Davis stared at Ken, not sure he'd heard the last bit right.

"What?"

"I don't know who I am anymore, ok? Satisfied?" Ken buried his head in his arms, unable to bear the look of hurt confusion Davis was giving him.

"I'm not the Digimon Emperor anymore, but I'm not Ken Ichijoji either! He died when I became the Emperor! I'm just this _thing_ that's halfway in between, and I can't do anything about it!" Ken struggled to hold back tears, and found to his amusement that it was working.

_>Amused because I'm numb and can't cry? Oh Hell, I really am going insane!>_

"I'm like a walking ying-yang! I'm not evil, but I'm not entirely good either! I don't fit in anywhere! And everyday it seemed like another piece of me was fading away into nothing, so I thought what the heck! Why not finish the job!" Ken was yelling again now, but not at Davis. Davis had a funny feeling that the other boy was yelling at his own personal demons.

_>Somehow, I knew. I knew that Ken was losing himself. I even thought about the possibility of Ken being depressed, but didn't think to act until it was too late! I never had any idea that he'd been going through so much!>_

"How…how long, Ken?" he asked gently.

"Nearly half a year now! But what do you care? I tried to tell you before, but you didn't notice! Nobody noticed! It was like I was invisible!" Ken buried his face again and gave into his tears, but Davis could only sit there, frozen.

_>He tried to tell us? Oh, man! No wonder he couldn't take it anymore!>_ Forcing himself to do something, the redhead put his arms round Ken, wondering whether this simple action would do anything for the damaged boy.

It did. Ken's hysterical sobbing died down slightly, and the boy leaned into Davis, letting him embrace him. Davis made soothing noises in the back of his throat, remembering other times like this, far in the past. When Ken had first turned good, and needed someone to talk to…enter Davis! Good looking, smart, and a great listener. Oh, and modest too.

Eventually, Ken's cries faded away, and Davis looked down. Ken had fallen asleep, worn out. Carefully, Davis laid the other boy down on the bed, brushing some stray locks of indigo hair to the side.

He sat there for a while, unsure what to do. He wasn't tired anymore, that was for certain. But he couldn't exactly put on the overhead TV either – it might wake Ken up. As Davis has a feeling Ken hadn't slept in quite a while, this last option was definitely out.

With nothing else to do, Davis began to unpack the bag of Ken's things. The one that the others had brought. He was glad that they hadn't been here to see Ken waking up. That they'd missed his disappointment when he realised that he'd been saved.

Soon there was nothing else to put away, except a well-worn black notebook. Curious despite himself, Ken flipped it open, fully expecting to see pages of complicated sums. But he was surprised.

It was a diary. More specifically, Ken's diary. Even the first page told a story. The title, carefully printed, had simply read 'Diary Of Ken Ichijoji'. That had been savagely crossed out, and replaced with an untidy scrawl, reading, 'Diary Of Some Worthless Loser'.

_>Huh. This gives no indication of depression.> _Davis thought sarcastically. What could he say? He wanted to know more about the strange frightened boy who had never been able to discuss his feelings.

Unable to stop himself, Davis turned the page and began to read on.

* * *

_20th July_

_Another normal day. Davis made an idiot of himself again, but what's new? Yolei tried to practice kendo with Cody, but I'm pretty sure that she regrets it now. Never duel Cody – he has a nasty habit of beating you!_

Davis smiled briefly, and flicked through the pages. A lot of the entries were like this one, light hearted and full of friendly jibes. But around September, they became darker. Much darker.

_5th September_

_Had the nightmare again last night. The one where I was still the Emperor, and had actually conquered Digiworld. Woke up shaking, but I didn't have the heart to wake Wormmon. Nothing much else happened today – although I couldn't get the nightmare out of my mind._

_7th September_

_Started feeling low. It's probably because of the bad weather we've been having lately. But just when I was drifting into my own little world, Davis came and rescued me from it. He always knows when I'm not feeling that great._

_10th September_

_Couldn't stop myself today. I fell asleep in chemistry. But what do you expect when I haven't slept for the last few nights? I know it all anyway. Man…that sounded so boastful. Like before…never mind. Teacher gave me detention, but I didn't care. Still don't, actually._

_20th September_

_Talked to Wormmon today about how I've been feeling. He came out with exactly the kind of senseless nonsense I'd expected. It's not his fault. How can I expect him to fully understand what I've been through? Perhaps I need to talk to somebody human._

_25th September_

_My attempts at talking to the others failed. Yolei was busy with some sort of computer programme. TK and Kari were off somewhere together – I think they had to do a school project. Decided to try Cody, but he was panicking over a test he's got tomorrow, so I helped him study instead. _

_Toyed with the idea of asking some of the Older Digidestined for advice, but decided against it. I've never been that close to them, and I'm pretty sure Tai wouldn't be that happy counselling the guy who tried to control Agumon. Even he has his limits._

Davis frowned at the entry, feeling slightly hurt. What about him? Why hadn't Ken thought about talking to his best friend?

_6th October_

_Davis is such a knucklehead. I've been dropping hints that I want to talk for days now, but he's not picking up on them. No, he's not to blame. I'm too subtle for my own good. I'll just come out and say it tomorrow._

_13th October_

_I give up. Stupid Davis! I kept putting it off, as he had big football matches, and problems at school. Then finally, it seemed a good time to talk. So I tried to tell him how bad I've started to feel. But he just brushed it off, telling me that I don't have anything to worry about. I'm not even sure that he was listening!_

_Well, enough is enough! If no-one wants to know, I just won't tell anybody! It's probably for the best. Who'd be able to understand? They're all so good…and I'm not._

Closing his eyes, Davis leaned back into the chair, feeling slightly sick. He remembered that day, when Ken had tried to tell him. And he had ignored him. >_Think about it – if I'd just listened that day, none of this would have happened.>_

Davis put the diary away, and sat watching his sleeping friend. Wondering how he was ever going to be able to make it up to him. And then the answer came to him.

_>I can't.>

* * *

_

Ken woke up with a start, only just managing to hold back a cry. The nightmares that he'd wanted to escape were back. >_This is why I stopped going to sleep in the first place.>_

Glancing to the side, he saw Davis asleep in the chair, his mouth hanging open slightly. >_He stayed with me…I thought he'd have gone home by now.>_

Feeling the usual tears beginning to course down his cheeks, Ken bit his lip. He didn't want to wake Davis. But although he managed to stay quiet, Ken couldn't stop the tears from coming.

Somewhere deep inside, he knew that you weren't meant to cry this much; you weren't meant to feel this miserable. >_You're not meant to slit your own wrists either, Ichijoji, but you did.> _

Examining his bandages again, Ken couldn't stop himself from wishing that it had worked. Trust Davis to turn up just in time. Without the Digidestined of Courage, he'd have been free by now.

But still…Ken was kind of glad that he'd had a chance to make it up with Davis. That he hadn't died with Davis still furious with him.

It would just be one less thing left unfinished when he tried again.


	7. Unforgivable

**Chapter Six; Unforgivable**

Davis slowly woke up, stretching as he released himself from the cramped position he'd been in. Glancing up, he saw Ken watching him, but the other boy shut his eyes quickly when he noticed that Davis was awake.

"Nice try, Ken. But I know you're faking." Ken opened his eyes again, and shot an almost apologetic look in Davis' direction. But Davis could see something else in those eyes, and he realised with a jolt of sadness that Ken was still angry with him for not leaving him to die.

_>What was I meant to do? Just pretend I didn't see anything?>_

He could also see the tearstains on Ken's cheeks, and was pretty sure that they were new. Ken had obviously woken up during the night.

"Umm…I'll go and get you some breakfast."

* * *

Ken watched as Davis sidled out, and sighed. He wondered if his confessions last night had freaked him out, if he felt guilty about not being there for Ken.

_>What would he say if I let him know that our argument was one of the things that finally pushed me over the edge?>_

He could hear voices outside. Damn. He didn't want any visitors. He considered faking sleep again, but gave up on the idea pretty quickly. If _Davis_ could see through that act, there was no chance of fooling the others.

His door creaked open, and he watched as Cody, TK, Kari and Yolei came crowding in. Just what he needed – the whole team there, trying to act as though nothing had changed. >_But if I get hear one hint of lecturing, I'll make them regret it. Even with my arms bandaged up.>_

"Sooo…how are you feeling, Ken?" Ken felt his face twist into a patronising expression, and hated himself for it. It wasn't Yolei's fault that she got flustered sometimes.

"Oh, right…anyway…" Yolei's face fell, and she looked helplessly at TK, who seemed to have been elected as leader of this mini group.

TK tried desperately to find something to say, anything that would relieve the tension.

"We brought some magazines and stuff…so you won't get bored." He held out a carrier bag, but Ken didn't take it. TK winced at the mildly angry look Ken was giving him.

"Oh, that's nice – you being worried that I was bored, I mean. Perhaps you're worried that I might find something else to entertain myself…slitting my wrists, maybe!"

Ken was almost shouting now. He knew that he was being totally unfair, but he couldn't stop himself. Months of frustration and misery were boiling over…and the Digidestined were in the firing line.

He almost laughed at the looks of horror that the others were giving him, but he was still too angry to do anything like that.

"Because that's what I will do! You won't be able to watch me forever! And the moment your back's turned…_SLASH_! It'll all be over!"

The gang left the room quickly, unable to take so much raw anger. Ken flopped back on the pillows, cursing himself. >_Crap. I didn't mean to tell him that. Now they'll guard me like their lives depend on it.>

* * *

_

Davis walked back towards Ken's room, carrying a tray with two bowls of cereal on it. >_I wonder if the others were able to reach him.>_

Then he heard the shouting, and watched as the other Digidestined hurried out of Ken's room. >_Should have guessed.>_ Davis sighed, and went to join the others.

All of them were visibly shaken up, but Kari seemed to have been affected the most. She was crying into TK's shoulder. The blonde was trying to tell her that everything would be ok, but it only to one look to see that TK was just as upset. Yolei and Cody were just silent, equally shocked expressions on their faces.

"All right guys, what did he say?" Davis asked in exasperation.

"He told us that he was going to try again!" Cody gasped.

"Try what again? Getting his life back on track?" Davis wrinkled his nose in confusion, wondering what on earth the younger boy was on about.

"No! Try and kill himself again!" Davis froze, unable to take in the information. >_He still wants to…he still feels…he can't…>_

"Hold this a sec." Without waiting for an answer, he shoved the tray into Yolei's hands, and ran into the room. Exchanging glances, the others followed, but decided it was better to spy than actually go in.

They watched as Davis stormed in, and grabbed Ken's shoulders. The cinnamon haired boy then proceeded to shake Ken hard, before starting to scream at him.

"If you think that you're going to pull a stunt like this again, you've got another thing coming! Do you hear me!" Davis wasn't quite sure how he expected the other boy to answer, but couldn't stop himself.

"Everybody hurts, Ken! But they don't just go and cut their wrists open with a knife! They talk to their friends, and they try to stay positive!" He'd stopped shaking Ken now, but he was still screaming at him – Davis couldn't remember the last time he'd been this angry.

Suddenly, he realised that although Ken could have easily retaliated by now, he hadn't. Blinking his eyes to clear the haze of anger from them, Davis noticed that Ken had almost shrunk into himself. He was just sitting there, raven hair falling over his face, letting Davis rant at him.

"Ken?" His voice was soft now. Uncertainly, Davis reached out, and gently brushed some of Ken's hair away from his face, so that he could see him.

"Ken?" There was still no reply, and Davis wondered whether the lecture had been too much for Ken in his present state of mind.

"Ken. Answer me, dude." Finally, Ken raised his head to look Davis in the eye. Davis was slightly shocked to see that there were tears there. Sure, Ken had cried the night before…but those tears had been because of how he was feeling inside. These had been caused by Davis. >_Something finally got through his numbness and anger. >_

He got another shock as Ken toppled forward into his arms, sobbing against his shoulder.

"Please, Davis…save me." He spoke the words in a whisper so quiet, that Davis almost missed them.

"What?"

"Save me, Davis. Save me from myself." And with these final pleas, Ken dropped into another exhausted sleep.

* * *

Ken's eyes slowly flickered open, and he glanced around the room. Davis wasn't there. Ken felt a dim disappointment, but ignored it. He couldn't expect Davis to be there 24/7. It wasn't fair on him.

Looking to his left, Ken noticed a note on his bedside table. Reaching over, he picked it up, feeling a solitary tear trickle down his cheek as he read it.

_>Don't be alarmed if you wake up and I'm not there. I've just gone to arrange a few things. Be back soon.>_

Ken wondered what things Davis had gone to arrange, but decided to ignore it. Knowing Davis, it would be some sort of chocolate feast. Or a weird movie to watch on the hospital room's television. Either way, it had been nice of him to leave that note.

_>Of course he'd do something like that. He's a good best friend…he doesn't try and shut other people out.> _Ken sighed as he realised how much of an idiot he'd been. Getting depressed was no excuse for ignoring Davis, or turning up late for meetings.

_>Although, if Davis had been there in the first place, I wouldn't have needed to.>_ Ken grimaced, and shut off that line of thinking before it even started. >_Don't even go there, Ichijoji. That's what got you here in the first place.> _

Besides, who could ever be mad at Davis for long? Even without those big puppy dog eyes to contend with, Davis could melt your heart before it even froze. Ken stretched luxuriously, remembering previous arguments when he'd lost his dignity trying to resist those puppy dog eyes. After a while, he'd learnt it was safer to give in at the start.

"Hey! You got my note!" Davis bounded into the room, startling Ken out of his thoughts.

"Yeah. What were you arranging?" Ken asked. Davis shrugged, a small smile beginning to form on his face.

"Ohhh, nothing that would concern you…just where you'll be staying when you get out of here!" Ken groaned and tried to sink back into the pillows. He hadn't even thought about going back home. He hadn't wanted to.

"Thought that may be your reaction. No one wants to go home when their parents aren't there, even if they have a lovable Digimon partner waiting for them. So you're going to stay with me!" Ken blinked, the announcement refusing to sink in.

"Stay…with you?"

"Well, yeah. After all, your parents won't be home for another five days. This way you can get out of hospital…without Wormmon never letting you out of his sight." Davis' smile had slipped, and he looked as though he thought Ken didn't want to stay with him.

"Thanks, Davis." Ken said warmly, glad to have a best friend who cared so much.

"No prob. They'll come in and take off your bandages soon. I'll pack your stuff up, so that you can leave as soon as they do."

* * *

Davis led Ken into the Motomiya apartment, trying to ignore the way his friend was holding back slightly. Ken obviously didn't feel comfortable here. >_Just like when we first met. It's almost like we're back at the beginning again.>_

Davis could have hit himself. Of course it was like being back at the beginning again! Ken was practically starting over, making a clean start to his life. >_Does that mean I have to earn his trust again?>_

"Are you sure your parents don't mind?" Ken asked tentatively, violet eyes anxiously looking around.

"Well actually they're away at the moment…looking after my sick gran. But Jun doesn't mind." Davis wondered whether Ken would make up an excuse and leave, but the other boy just nodded.

"Just relax. I'll go put your bag in my room." Davis grabbed Ken's things and took them into his room, before placing them carefully on the desk. Quietly, he pulled a mobile out of his pocket, and rang Sora.

"Hello?"

"Sora, hey. It's Davis."

"Oh, hi Davis. Did you bring him home?"

"Yeah…how's Veemon and Wormmon?" There was a crash on the other end, and Davis heard Sora's mum shouting in the background.

"Oh, getting along smashingly." Sora replied dryly.

"Right. Do you mind keeping them a few days longer? Wormmon can come over and visit, but I don't think Ken's up to 'Digimon Panic Mode' just yet." Davis crossed his fingers, hoping that he'd get the answer he wanted.

"Oh, go on then. But you owe me for a new vase!"

"Thanks Sora. You're the best!" Ending the call, Davis put the mobile away and went back to Ken. The slightly taller boy hadn't moved from his position by the door, and was staring around as if lost.

"I told you to relax! Come on, I've just bought a new film! We can watch it together!" Not taking no for an answer, Davis pulled Ken down on the sofa, glaring at him until the other boy got into a comfortable position.

Sighing, he leant back against the cushions, realising that it would be like starting over from square one. Ken was once again the awkward, shy and unhappy teenager he'd been when he'd stopped being the Digimon Emperor.

Despite himself, Davis felt his eyes drawn to Ken instead of the movie. Ken was sitting there, almost as nervous as he had been the first time he'd slept over here. The only difference was…the wrists. Davis stared at the stitches, the only mar on Ken's otherwise perfect skin.

Shuddering slightly, Davis looked away, and tried to concentrate on the film. The last thing he wanted was for Ken to catch him staring at him.

* * *

"Hey, Davis." Davis looked up, and smiled as Jun tiptoed in.

"How is he?" Jun whispered.

"Ok, I think. He's still pretty tired – he hasn't been getting much sleep lately. So I made him go to bed early."

Jun covered her mouth with her hand, obviously trying not to laugh.

"Wow. Maybe my baby brother won't kill off his first born children." Davis glared at his sister. She'd been joking about his lack of responsibility for ages now – she'd finally got tired of using his homework against him.

"Shut up Jun. Oh yeah, I put all the knives and stuff in your room." Jun paused at Davis' last comment, and turned back to look at him.

"You did what?"

"I put all the knives and stuff in your room. You know, out the way…" Davis shifted about a bit, and Jun's face softened.

"Oh, Davis."

"I can't help it. I'm afraid that he'll do it again…he said he would."

"But unless you give a chance, you'll never know whether he meant it. You have to trust him." Jun pulled her brother into her arms, summoning up all the love she had.

"Believe in him, Davis. Maybe he'll surprise you. After all, he got through that Digimon Emperor thing, didn't he?" Davis looked up, surprised at how Jun had taken the time to remember stuff about their adventures in Digiworld. His own parents had just conveniently forgotten it – they didn't want their son to be _too_ complicated.

"I though he did…but that's why he tried to kill himself…because of his past." Jun sighed, and Davis knew that she'd almost lost patience with him.

"Look, are you the one who's depressed, or is he? If you want to cheer him up, you'll have to either get over yourself, or work on your fake smiling. Either way, your friend needs you."

* * *

Silently, Ken padded round the Motomiya apartment. He didn't know why Davis had made him go to bed. All that had happened was that he'd woken up earlier than usual from his nightmares.

Cursing under his breath as he knocked into a table, Ken froze. When he was sure that no one had woken up, he carried on into the kitchen, and began looking through the cupboards. He knew what he was looking for.

* * *

Yawning, Davis came out of his bedroom, wondering where Ken had gone. He wasn't quite sure when the other boy had sneaked out last night, but he knew it had to have been after midnight.

Glancing around the apartment, Davis caught sight of somebody in the kitchen. Coming round the corner, he saw Ken sitting at the table, face down…with something red on his cheek.

"Ken!" Suddenly terrified, Davis yanked his friend upright – only to see that it was jam on his cheek. Ken had fallen asleep over his toast.

"Davis?" Ken blinked sleepily, still not wide awake.

"Uh…morning, Ken!" Davis opted for breezy, and luckily Ken bought it in his sleepy state.

"Morning, Davis. By the way, what happened to all your knives? I don't know what kind of bread you get, but it's hell to cut with a spoon."

Davis stared at him, before bursting out laughing. The look on Ken's face only made him laugh harder.


	8. Reunions, Chances And Searches

**Chapter Seven; Reunions, Chances And Searches**

"_KEN_!" Wormmon leapt into his friend's open arms, snuggling in as close as he could. 

"I thought I'd never see you again!" Wormmon's expressive eyes were shimmering with tears, and Davis smiled at the way they were matched by Ken's own shining ones.

"Oh, Wormmon! Are you alright? How are you finding it at Sora's? Are you getting on with Veemon?" Ken hugged his digimon close, feeling like he was being made whole again.

"He's getting on so well with Veemon, they've broken nearly all our ornaments whilst playing hide and seek." Sora said wryly. Veemon looked up from where he was greeting Davis, and grinned sheepishly at the scowling Digidestined of Love.

"We've already said sorry! And anyway, we haven't broken that much! Just a couple of vases, a few pictures, a mirror, 6 paperweights, a china dog…maybe I'll shut up now." Veemon began fiddling with his claws as Davis stared at him.

"You've broken _how_ much? Jeez, Veemon, you're worse than me with a soccer ball!" Turning to face Sora, Davis put a hand behind his head and rubbed his neck.

"Sorry, Sora. I guess I know where this year's allowance is going!" Sora finally smiled, and shook her head.

"No, Davis. It wasn't you who broke our stuff, so you shouldn't pay. And neither should you, Ken." Sora cut off Ken, who had obviously opened his mouth to offer his own money.

"Don't worry, guys, my mother and I have come up with quite good punishments for them!" Veemon and Wormmon looked at each other, suddenly scared.

"Punishments? What punishments?" Wormmon blurted.

"Come on, Sora. You wouldn't hurt two adorable digimon, would you?" Veemon pleaded. Sora's grin widened.

"Well, let's just say that I won't be doing chores, and my mother won't be cleaning the house for quite a while!"

Veemon turned pale, whilst Wormmon sighed in relief.

"Is that all? I don't mind cleaning! Do you, Veemon?" Wormmon tried to get Veemon's opinion, but the blue digimon was slowly sinking to his knees.

"Cleaning houses…doing chores…_noooooooo_!"

* * *

Sighing, Davis glanced around his bedroom, trying to come up with something to do. He'd finally come up with a foolproof way of getting Ken to sleep – slipping sleeping pills into his food. 

Unfortunately, this meant that Davis had to find his own entertainment now. Usually, he'd have done something with Veemon, but as Sora was still looking after the digimon, he was alone.

Of course, there was one option…although Davis knew that it wasn't very nice.

He could always read the diary.

_25th December_

_Merry Christmas. Merry Christmas. Stuff Merry Christmas! What's there to be merry about? Ugh! I can't stand the way my parents are smiling, laughing! _

_I'm messed up. Is it easy to tell? Come on, what freak gets depressed around Christmas? It's not even like I got lots of rubbish gifts. But I can't help myself! What right does everyone else have to be so happy, when I feel so sad inside! _

_No, that's not fair. It's not their faults that I can't sleep because my past keeps coming back to haunt me._

_Stuff Merry Christmas._

Davis continued to skim through the entries. Most of them were nearly the same, although even he could see the hint of desperation that seemed to be growing in Ken's writing. And then, there was a new entry. One that scared him more than any of the others.

_10th February_

_God, I need sleep. I just want to close my eyes, sink into the mindless oblivion of rest. But I can't. The nightmares keep coming, and they're getting worse. I keep replaying my past over and over, each dark detail standing out so clear in my mind._

_The first time I slapped a Dark Ring on a digimon. When I tortured Davis by making him choose which Digidestined to save. When I captured Agumon and forced him to digivolve. When I created Kimeramon._

_When Wormmon died to save me from the darkness that I had created inside my own heart._

_I know I'm not taking care of myself anymore. It doesn't matter, really. Nothing matters anymore. Who cares if I get ill? I don't._

_But I know that this isn't normal. I shouldn't feel like this…something's wrong with me. I'm sliding further and further into some sort of darkness, and I can't stop myself. _

_I need to talk to someone…but I can't burden anyone else with this pain. It's not like they'd understand anyway. Hell, I don't even have anyone left to talk to! I'm pushing them all away…Cody, Yolei, TK, Kari…strange how the only person I seem to want to keep around is Davis._

_All I want is to be the boy I was before. _

_But I'm afraid that's it's too late._

Biting his lip, Davis flipped through the last couple of pages. There were a few more entries, but they were meaningless, and didn't say anything about how Ken was feeling. Or anything else for that matter.

Then, the pages were blank. It seemed that Ken hadn't been able to find the effort he needed to put his life down on paper anymore.

_>And he knew…he actually knew that there was something wrong with him…>_ Davis stifled a yawn, lying down on the spare bed. Blinking sleepily, he just about managed to put the diary on the bedside table, before succumbing to the sleep that was threatening to overwhelm him.

_>Don't worry, Ken. I'll make sure that you'll never be alone from now on.>

* * *

_

Ken stirred, unable to figure out where he was. >_Last thing I knew, I was in Davis' living room…he'd made us some food, and I was feeling sleepy>…_ Groaning, Ken sat up and looked over to where Davis was sleeping. >_I can't believe he did that! He drugged my food!>_

But still, he felt better than he had for a long time. Smiling softly, Ken watched the way Davis' chest rose and fell in time with his breathing. Davis had somehow become his whole world over the years that he'd known him, and now he couldn't imagine life without him.

_>But I was willing to make Davis face a life without me.>_ Ken made a face as his thoughts turned sour, sighing at the way his happiness had quickly evaporated.

He could have gone back to sleep. But Ken didn't feel like it. He wanted to make the most of this time – he couldn't remember the last time he'd felt so awake.

Tiptoeing silently out of the bedroom, Ken went into the bathroom. His eyes grew wide as saucers at the state of it. Jun had been the lat in, and she'd left all her hair products scattered about. >_Whoa, never knew that so many kinds of shampoo and gel existed…>_

Ken absently reached into the bathroom cabinet, searching for his toothbrush. Unfortunately, he ended up knocking a small packet out. Grumbling slightly, Ken bent to pick it up…and froze.

Razorblades. It was a packet of razorblades, and Ken couldn't look away from them. Carefully, he took one out, and held it up to the light. >_Jun and Davis are asleep…I could do it now…end this pain once and for all…>_

But to his surprise, Ken realised that he didn't want to end his pathetic life anymore. He wanted to stick around, see how it turned out. He'd faced his past before, and he could do it again.

Smiling, Ken put the blade back inside, and slotted the bag back into its usual place. He heard a small sound behind him, and jumped, looking back to where the bathroom door was ajar. But no one was there.

* * *

Davis sped back to his bedroom, a huge grin on his face. He'd got up to go to the toilet, and had felt his heart stop when he saw that Ken was in there, with a _razorblade_. 

He'd been ready to pounce on him, to do anything that would stop Ken from hurting himself, but Ken had pulled through all on his own. And smiled! Ken had finally shown the world his beautifully soft smile once again!

Sighing happily, Davis dropped back onto his bed. He never heard the sound of something falling in the living room. Or the sound of the front door slamming shut.

* * *

The next thing Davis knew, he was being rudely awakened by Jun shaking him. 

"Wha…"

"Get up, Davis! Get _up_!" She cried, shaking him even harder.

"What on earth's wrong with you, Jun?" Getting angry now, Davis sat up, pushing his sister away from him.

"Davis, _please_! Ken's disappeared!" That got his attention. Davis leapt out of bed and ran through the apartment, finding no sign of his best friend.

"Where'd he go? Jun!" Burying her face in her hands, Jun just about managed to sob out:

"I don't know! I just woke up, and as there didn't seem to be anyone around, I figured you were both asleep! So I checked in on you, but he wasn't there either!"

Swearing, Davis ran out of the apartment and leaned over the railing, desperately searching for some sign of the raven haired boy. But he saw nothing.

"Ken!" Hoarsely calling out his name, Davis began to race down the stairs, heading for the complex entrance. As he ran, he yanked his D-Terminal out of his pocket, thanking the gods that he'd fallen asleep with his clothes on.

_Ken missing. Need help_ he sent.

_>Oh god, Ken. Where are you?>_

_

* * *

_Unfortunately, none of the other Digidestined were free to help, even though they desperately wanted to. Which left just Davis. Breath coming in ragged gasps now, Davis rounded another corner. 

_>This is ridiculous. I can't just run about everywhere. I need a system.>_ Thinking hard, Davis had an idea. Grabbing his mobile phone, he dialled his home number, and waited for Jun to pick up.

"Davis?"

"Jun! Is he back?" Davis managed to gasp out.

"No…you haven't found him?"

"Not yet. Look, was there anything disturbed in the apartment when you woke up? Like books scattered everywhere, or something?"

"Not really…wait!"

"Yeah?" Davis felt the stirring of hope, wondering if they'd found a clue.

"It's not much, but the calendar was on the floor…" Davis groaned, his heart sinking. >_That's it? That doesn't tell me anyth…wait! Today's date! I know where he is!>_

"Thanks, Jun! I think I've figured out where he's gone." Slipping his phone back into his pocket, Davis started running faster. But this time, he knew where he was going. Tamachi Cemetery.

* * *

"I'm sorry I haven't visited you lately, Sam. But I've had a lot of things on my mind." A soft voice whispered, as a pale hand stroked the cool marble of a tombstone. 

Davis sighed in relief, and peeked round the tree he was hiding behind. He'd been right. Today was the anniversary of Sam's death – and Ken had once told him that he always came to visit Sam's grave on this day.

"But at least I remembered your anniversary, huh? So please don't be angry with me." Ken leaned forward slightly, resting his head against the engraved rock. Davis smiled sadly to himself. >_Only Ken could suffer from severe depression, try to kill himself, then actually apologise to his dead brother for not visiting so often. >_

"I'm a mess, Sam. I have been for months. Remember, I told you about the nightmares? Well, that wasn't the worst of it. I kinda went a bit weird…I…I tried to slit my wrists." Ken hung his head, allowing his silky hair to hide his face.

"But I'm alright now. I had a chance to try again, and I didn't take it. And all my friends are helping…especially Davis. He's been great. I'm staying at his apartment until Mama and Papa get back."

Davis watched as Ken rubbed a hand across his eyes. It was obvious that the other boy was close to tears, but didn't want to give in them. Davis wasn't sure whether that was a good thing or not. It could mean that Ken was almost back to normal…but then again, it's not good to bottle emotions up inside yourself.

"And there's other stuff going on, as well. I think I…like someone. Really like someone. But I'm afraid that they'll push me away if I say anything." Ken continued, his voice a strange mixture of hesitation and vulnerability.

"Ken?" Davis murmured quietly, choosing to interrupt his friend before he admitted who he liked. Somehow, Davis guessed that Ken would be horribly embarrassed if Davis found out about his new 'girl' this way.

Ken jerked in surprise, his eyes widening as he saw Davis emerge from the shadows of the tree.

"Davis…how…wha…?" he stammered in confusion. Davis simply shook his head, moving closer to his confused friend.

"Sorry. Didn't mean to spy on you. But me and Jun were worried when you disappeared like that." Ken bit his lip, looking down.

"Oh. I should have left a note. I'm sorry."

"Hey, no sweat!" Davis smiled cheerfully, not wanting to make Ken feel guilty.

"As long as you tell me which girl you were telling Sam about!" Davis wrapped an arm around Ken's shoulders, cutting off his escape.

"Come on! I'll let you go if you tell me." Davis gently coaxed.

Ken shook his head frantically, trying to escape.

"No…I don't think you'd like it, Davis…please…" He struggled in vain, but Davis just held on tighter.

"It's Kari, isn't it? I don't mind, Ken! Really! I'm so over her!" Davis crowed, laughing at the way his friend was desperately trying to get away.

"It's not Kari!"

"Then who? Yolei?"

"No! Please, Davis! Ken was panicking now, almost fighting to get free.

"Come on, Ken!"

"It's a guy, all right? _A GUY_!" Ken finally screamed. Davis froze in shock, then abruptly pushed Ken away from him, retreating.

"You're gay?" He whispered. Ken looked away, an expression of pure misery on his face.

"You're _gay_." Davis breathed again, this time with more certainty. How couldn't he have known? All those times when Ken had refused to date his obsessed fan-girls, all those times he hadn't wanted to go with Davis to 'pick up' girls…Davis felt like an idiot.

"You're queer. You're a pansy." The moment the words were out of his mouth, Davis regretted them. But it was too late. Ken's violet eyes hardened, until they resembled the blocks of ice he'd had as the Emperor.

"Well. I guess that clears up how you feel about that." Ken said pleasantly, although the way he was clenching his fists showed how upset he was.

"Ken…" The taller boy ignored his plea, and got up to go, shaking slightly with the emotions he was suppressing. Davis had the feeling that if he'd be in for another beating if Ken actually gave into them.

"I'd appreciate it if you didn't follow me this time." Ken was still smiling that painfully fake smile, and it made Davis feel guiltier than ever.

"I won't bother you any longer."

Turning on his heel, Ken began to stride away, each step taking him further and further from his friend…in more ways than one.


	9. New Discoveries

**Chapter Eight; New Discoveries**

When Davis got home, he could hear Jun talking to someone – loudly.

"Are you sure about this? You do know that you're always welcome here, right?" Her voice sounded concerned, and Davis wondered who she was talking to.

"I'm sure. But I don't think I _will_ be welcome here from now on." It was Ken who answered. Davis bit his lip. He wasn't quite sure what was happening, but it sounded bad.

He jumped as the door opened, and looked up into Ken's face, which turned to stone the moment he saw Davis. Then, Davis noticed the duffel bag that was slung over Ken's shoulder.

"What are you doing, Ken?" He asked, although he had a pretty good idea.

"I'm moving back to my own place."

"Ken…"

"Thankyou for letting me stay here, but I no longer require your pity." Ken pushed past Davis so that he could get onto the walkway, before turning to face him.

"Ken, please…" Davis whispered.

"Goodbye, Davis. I'm sorry I'm such a freak." Ken said, still using those obviously fake pleasant tones. Then, he just walked away.

* * *

Davis watched him go for a moment, feeling extremely guilty. >_But he's gay. You can't just ignore that_.> Sighing, he walked inside his apartment…where he was promptly rugby tackled by Jun.

"Alright, spill it. What happened between you two?"

"Nothing!" Even as Davis tried to wriggle out of her grasp, he realised that she was holding him too tightly for him to escape. _>Damn.>_

"What happened? I'm the responsible adult here whilst Mum and Dad are away, so I demand to _know_!" Davis looked to the side, figuring that he had no choice but to tell her.

"Well, when I went down the cemetery to find Ken, he was talking to Sam's grave. You know, like he does? Then he started talking about someone he had a crush on, so I interrupted."

"You didn't want to embarrass him by finding out accidentally." Jun said.

"Exactly. Anyway, I sort of grabbed him, and began to try and get him to tell me. He wouldn't, but I kept on nagging, and he finally told me that it was…" Davis' voice died away, and he looked up unhappily.

"He told me it was a guy. He was _gay_. So I just jerked away, and…and said he was queer. A pansy." Jun stared down at her brother, then slowly got up off him, her face disgusted.

"How _could_ you, Davis…I thought you were his friend." Davis's head jerked up at these words, and he looked at Jun is confusion.

"What?"

"From what I said, he didn't feel comfortable about revealing that information to anyone – not even you. Then, when you finally force him into it, you actually act as though _you're_ the injured party."

Davis stared down at his hands, wondering how on earth Jun was managing to make him feel so guilty.

"You made him feel like being gay was wrong, and he took that hard. I bet you were the first, and _only_, person he's ever told, and you just shut him down. You betrayed his trust."

"But…I didn't make him leave." Davis stammered.

"Yes you did. He reached out to you, hoping that you'd understand, and you just hurt him. No wonder he wanted to go." Jun came over, and wrapped a comforting arm around her little brother's shoulders.

"But…he's gay…Ken's gay…"

"So what? He's still your friend. This doesn't have to change your relationship with each other. You just have to accept it."

"I really hurt him, didn't I?" Davis whispered.

"You can still make things right. Talk to him, face to face." Jun suggested.

"Yeah! Thanks Jun!"

Davis ran for the door, before stopping, and twisting his head back around.

"Since when did you get all sensitive?"

"Since Mum left me in charge. Don't worry; I'll be back to your annoying elder sister when she gets back! Now go on!" Jun laughed. >_Hmmm…this being 'nice' to Davis actually feels good. Maybe I could…nah!>

* * *

_

Ken carelessly dumped his bag onto the table, and flung himself down on the sofa. >_What did you expect, Ichijoji? For him to welcome that information about you with open arms?>_

Ken sighed, and buried his face in the upholstery. Well, he'd made his decision. He'd rather spend the next couple of days alone than have to face Davis. >_I can always call Sora tomorrow, and ask her to bring Wormmon over.>_

Despite himself, Ken could feel tears beginning to leak out of his eyes, soaking into the soft fabric of the sofa. >_It's not fair…why do I always have to be the different one?> _

He stayed like that for a while, just crying into the sofa. Then, groaning, he decided that he'd better get up and unpack. Rolling over, he opened his eyes…to see a pair of chocolate brown ones looking back down at him.

* * *

Davis felt awful when Ken flinched away from him like that. Did he really expect Davis to do something bad to him? >_Why not? He watches the news, and there's always stuff on about people being abused because they're different.> _

"Didn't mean to scare you, Ken. I would have knocked, but the door was open." Ken just stared back up at him, before shifting into a sitting position.

"What do you want? I…I know I seem wrong to you…so just do, or say, what you wanted to, and get out."

Ken started as Davis put a hand on his shoulder, and crouched down to face him, eye to eye.

"I'm sorry, Ken."

"What?"

"I'm sorry for betraying your trust like that, and making you feel bad about the kind of people you like. I was just surprised, that's all."

As this was a serious moment, Davis forced himself not to crack up. But it was hard. Ken looked so disbelieving…so innocent…like a character off a TV programme.

"So…you don't mind?" Ken stammered.

"Nope! Well, maybe a tiny bit. But that'll go away once I'm used to it. You're still the same person, right?" Davis grinned.

"Yeah."

"So we're alright!" Davis shot Ken the thumbs up, and sighed in relief when Ken smiled back.

"So you know what we're going to do now, don't you?" Davis' grin turned ever so creepy, in Ken's opinion. Sure, the other boy was still smiling, but now he looked like he had some sort of plan.

"What are we going to do?" Ken sighed.

"We're going to have 'Sleep Time'!" Davis began to advance forward, causing Ken to instinctively move back.

"No. No way, Davis! I'm not going to bed this early!"

"Come on! It doesn't matter what time it is! All you need is a couple of sleeping pills, and you'll be sinking into a nice, dreamless snooze!" Ken dodged as Davis leapt for him, and retreated behind the sofa.

He hated taking things like pills, or medicine. Which was why Davis had sneaked them into his food last time. But that trick wouldn't catch him out this time.

Davis' next attempt managed to bring him down, and Davis laughed at the way Ken was struggling beneath him.

"You really need to get over this fear of medicine, you know Ken!"

"I'm not taking any pills!" Ken protested.

"Either you swallow a couple of pills now, or you won't ever be able to eat again, for fear that I've crushed some and put them in your food. Now open up!"

Reluctantly, Ken opened his mouth, and allowed Davis to drop the small pills inside. Grumbling resentfully, he swallowed, and Davis got off him.

"There! That wasn't so bad now, was it?" Davis beamed.

"One day, I will kill you." Ken growled. But he was already starting to feel groggy – these pills were very fast acting. Davis caught on, and began to pull his friend towards the bedroom.

"Can I do anything whilst you're napping?" He asked as Ken lay down on the bed.

"You could unpack my stuff…no, I'll do that later. Could you just put away my diary…?" Ken murmured drowsily.

"What? The 'Diary Of Some Pathetic Loser' one?" Davis asked, then hit himself mentally. _Ooops._

Ken glared at him tiredly, before shaking his head slightly.

"I take that you read it then?" Shamefaced, Davis nodded.

"Ah, well. Suppose it doesn't really matter…" Ken's voice trailed away again, and Davis realised that he was slowly drifting off.

"Where's it go?" He asked.

"Top drawer…I keep all my diaries in there…" Ken vaguely pointed in the right direction, and then finally fell asleep.

"Right." Davis got the diary, then pulled open the drawer, his eyes widening.

"Yeesh… 'all my diaries' indeed. Who knew he had so many?" Davis muttered.

The drawer was almost full of notebooks. Glancing at the covers, Davis saw that a lot of them were just older versions of Ken's current diary. Then he noticed a pile that was tucked away at the back. Pulling them out, he looked at their titles.

"Digiworld…Izzy…Kari…Cody…Tai…Yolei…Joe…Hey, these are about us!" Flipping through them, Davis saw that Ken had a diary about each of the Digidestined, both old and new.

A quick glance through a couple of them showed that they were full of facts about the Digidestined, and some even had a few sketches in them. Davis stared at a picture in the 'Kari Diary'.

"It's just like her…who knew he could draw so well?"

Searching through the pile, Davis drew out one notebook, and put the rest back in the drawer. Looking down at its title, he smiled. The 'Davis Diary'. He was about to open it, when a thought occurred to him.

_>You've already invaded his privacy once. You shouldn't do it again.>_ Davis hesitated, and was about to close the book when a second thought came to him. >_But this is about you. You're not invading his privacy…you're just finding out what he's written, so you can protect your own.> _

Smiling at the way he always managed to find a reason to do what he wanted, Davis opened the diary. Almost immediately, he realised that Ken had written way more stuff about him than the other Digidestined. But that was to be expected, right? After all, they were best friends.

The first page was almost totally taken up with a sketch of him, and Davis gasped. It almost seemed to be more like Davis than Davis himself was. The detail was _incredible_.

Flipping through the pages, Davis scanned all the facts Ken had written about him. Favourite food, favourite colour, what he was most likely to be when he grew up…It was amazing that Ken knew so much about him.

Checking the clock, Davis decided that he had enough time to slow down and read exactly what Ken had written about him. Grinning to himself, he continued.

* * *

_I've always wondered why Davis became the leader of the Digidestined. Even back when I was the Emperor, I couldn't figure it out. _

_Was it because he was the bravest? That could have been it, but then again, the others were brave too. Because he was the strongest? Strength isn't everything. It certainly wasn't because he was the most levelheaded, or intelligent one. I have nothing against Davis now, but you have to admit, he isn't always the best at tactics or restraint._

_It's only now that I've joined his team that I understand. He's the leader because he is someone who can always be relied on, someone who will never put his own life before his friends'. And he can forgive._

_I'll never forget that day. When he ran after me, and asked me to join his team. He'll never know just how much that meant to me, even if I did refuse. It felt good to know that someone was actually worried about me, but I knew I'd never be able to face the others._

_Davis found it in his heart to forgive me, even though I'd tortured him, tried to kill him. _

_I guess you could say that we're best friends now. We always hang out, and he's a lot closer to me than the other Digidestined. It's odd, but sometimes I feel like he needs me as much as I need him. He helps me to get through all my bad memories…but I seem to make him fit in._

_Sounds weird, doesn't it? That his old enemy helps him fit in? But the thing is, he was always expected to walk alone before. Kari had TK, Yolei had Cody…and Davis had his duty as a leader._

_But who cares why we're friends? What matters is that we are. We've shared so much together – becoming DNA Digivolving partners, fighting Arukenimon, facing Daemon._

_He didn't give up on me when Oikawa forced me to go with him in that van. And he helped me cope as I was forced to watch other children going through the same darkness as I had. None of the others know how hard that was for me. If it hadn't been for Davis, I don't think I would have the will to battle on._

Davis brushed away the single tear that had formed in his eye. He shouldn't really be reading this sort of stuff – he was a sucker for touching stories, even if they were about him. He carried on reading, until he was almost at the back of the notebook. There were more sketches now, each one as breath taking as the first.

It had been clear through Ken's writing how their friendship had grown. Ken had started to feel closer and closer to Davis, especially when he realised that the other boy wasn't going to ditch him just because their adventures in Digiworld were over, and he wasn't needed anymore.

He turned back to the diary…and discovered something unbelievable.

_I have a horrible feeling when I think about Davis now. My stomach clenches, and I feel so nervous…but I'm so happy when I'm around him. _

_I don't want this feeling, I don't want it! All it will do is ruin our friendship, and I don't think I could stand that. But it's still there. It won't go away – if anything, it gets stronger every day._

_I know I'm gay. And I've felt stuff like this before, when I was with a guy I liked. But never this strongly._

_Damn it! I don't want this! I don't want to fall in love with my best friend! It can only mean trouble!_

_But still…when I'm around him, all I can think about is how good looking he is. How kind and considerate. And I can't help myself falling in deeper. It's getting harder to be around him…but yet, I don't want to be away from him either._

_It's no use. I have no option but to admit it. I'm in love with my best friend. With Davis._

Davis stared at the diary, frozen. Ken was in love with him? No wonder he'd been so scared when Davis had been trying to find out who it was! Shivering, he shoved the notebook back in the drawer, before slamming it shut.

_>Oh God…Oh God…what can I do now? How will I face him?>_ Davis wished that he'd never read that diary. Then nothing would have changed. He wouldn't be feeling so upset, so betrayed, so…confused?

Davis blinked. Why was he feeling confused? Ken loved him; Davis wasn't gay. What was there to be confused about? Unless…

Shaking his head violently, Davis tried to get rid of the thought that had surfaced, but it refused to leave. >_No! I refuse to believe that! I'm not…>_

But thinking back, Davis realised that that may not be quite true.

After all, hadn't he slowly stopped lusting after Kari when Ken had come into his life? And didn't he sometimes think about how good looking his friends was? Davis could remember very clearly how he'd thought that Ken looked hot even when drenched, back when he'd tried to engage him in heart to heart.

_>No way. I've just got a lot of hormones. All teenage boys go through this sort of thing!>_ Davis told himself firmly. Then he looked over to where Ken was sleeping, and felt his heart skip. Ken's raven hair was strewn all over the pillow, and Davis suddenly felt the mad urge to run his fingers through it, and push it back into its proper place.

_>I can't believe I'm thinking like this. I'm not gay. I as much as told Ken that earlier.>_ Davis stared at Ken, his mind ticking over. He had a lot of thinking to do.

Like whether he wanted to stay friends any more.


	10. Final Confessions

**Chapter Nine; Final Confessions**

Ken woke up, thrown off balance for a moment. >_Where am I? Oh yeah, I'm back home…>_ Blinking sleepily, Ken slipped down the ladder, and landed lightly on the floor, trying desperately to get rid of the muggy feeling in his head.

_>Damn Davis and those annoying sleeping pills! If he wasn't my best friend, I'd tear his eyes out!>_ Ken smiled to himself, finding it hard to be angry with Davis, just like always. After all, his friends had only been trying to look out for him.

Going through to the sitting room, he suddenly stopped as he realised Davis was sitting on the sofa.

"Oh! Davis! I thought you'd gone!" he gasped, trying to ignore the way his heart was trying to hammer its way out of his chest. Davis had scared him.

"Sit down, Ken." Davis' tone was icy, and when Ken sat down on the sofa next to him, he noticed that Davis' face was like stone.

"Davis? Are you alright?" He asked hesitantly.

"Sure. Why wouldn't I be? Oh yeah, I put the diary away like you asked."

"That's good." Ken said nervously. >_No it's not! No it's not! There's definitely something wrong with him! >_

"Found a couple of other diaries in there. You know, about the other Digidestined. So, being nosy, I decided to read what you'd written about me." Davis smiled sweetly.

_>Oh God.>_ Ken's mouth suddenly became dry, and he could almost feel the way that the blood was rushing away from his face, leaving it even more pale than usual.

"Judging from your reaction, I think you know what I'm on about." Davis observed.

"Oh, hell. I never meant for you to find out…oh, God." Ken buried his head in his hands, trying to hide from Davis.

"Davis…I'm so sorry."

The sofa shifted, and Ken jerked in surprise as Davis moved closer to him.

"Well I'm not." Davis smiled. Then quickly, he leant forward and kissed Ken gently on the lips.

Ken froze, shock overwhelming him. >_Davis is kissing me. Davis is kissing me!>_ Gathering his senses, Ken began to kiss back. He didn't really think for a while after that.

After a while, the two boys broke apart, needing oxygen.

"Wh…why?" Ken managed to gasp out.

"Because you're cute." Davis smirked. Then, seeing the disbelieving expression on Ken's face, he became serious.

"Well, I thought about how I felt after I found out you loved me, and I kinda came to a conclusion. I'm a pansy too." Davis grinned sheepishly. Suddenly feeling awkward, he rubbed the back of his neck, not sure what to say. It didn't help that Ken wasn't saying anything.

"Ken?" Davis was suddenly afraid. What if that diary had been written ages ago? What if Ken didn't feel the same way anymore? What if…?

"Wow." Ken breathed.

"Huh?" Davis looked up, hardly daring to hope.

"I just…I can't…do you know how long I've been waiting for something like that to happen, you knucklehead!" Ken exclaimed.

Laughing, Davis pulled his best friend closer to him. After all, who said changing their relationship would be bad?

* * *

"So what did you guys want to talk about?" Sora asked, leaning against Matt. Ken noticed that Tai was twitching slightly at this, but the wild haired brunette seemed to be restraining himself pretty well.

They'd called all the Digidestined here, so that they could talk. Well, Davis had. Personally, Ken just wanted to crawl into a hole and hide.

"Yeah, come on. Spill." Yolei demanded. Ken couldn't help feeling a tiny bit sorry for Yolei. She wasn't going to like what they were going to say at all.

"Ummm…Ken and I were wondering about how you lot felt about gays." Davis said.

The others exchanged weird looks, wondering what this was about, then turned to face Ken and Davis.

"We think they're just like other people – there's nothing wrong with them. Right, guys?" Kari smiled. Everyone else nodded in agreement.

"Yeah…anyone can be gay…like _football players_, or…or…_musicians_." Tai said loudly, glaring pointedly at where Sora was trying to convince Matt to put his arm round her, to 'keep her warm'.

"Okay…ummm…then I guess…we…I…" Davis was stammering helplessly now, his face turning pink. Ken shook his head slightly. Who'd have thought that it would end up Ken, the quiet one, who had confess to everyone.

Taking a deep breath, he stepped forward and took Davis' hand. The other boy looked at him, clearly scared, but he relaxed when he realised that Ken was going to say it for him.

"The thing is…Davis and I are gay. We've been seeing each other for a while now." Ken gripped Davis' hand tighter, feeling more frightened than he had ever been in his life.

The other Digidestined were silent. Then, slowly, they began to smile.

"Congratulations!"

"I'd never have thought…wow!"

"Good for you!"

"It's great that you two had the courage to come out like this…maybe one day certain people who aren't _brave_ enough will find the courage they need." Tai said, somewhat snappily. Matt, finally succeeding in convincing Sora that it was warm enough already, looked up at Tai's words and smiled slightly, his eyes softening at the sight of the miffed brunette. Catching the Digidestined of Courage's attention, he mouthed '_Soon_' silently to him. Tai grinned, relieved.

As the others congratulated them, Davis turned to Ken, and grinned. Leaning forward, he whispered in Ken's ear;

"We have great friends." Ken nodded, then whispered in Davis' ear.

"But none of them are a patch on you."

Laughing, they faced their friends, chatting happily.

They were still holding hands.


End file.
